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Whataya Spose He Weighed
A couple of male Chickadees outside Gus's window woke him with
their love song, which they sang over and over and over, for the heart of the
little female Chick perched on the branch of the nearby wire-birch tree.
Gusbur Glaspie stretched long and laid there for several minutes listening to
the bird's untiring flirting. "Their love for that little girl bird is mighty
strong", thought Gus. "Wonder if people act like that?"
Gus's thought of the birds in love was interrupted by a knock on the door and
sound of Lew's voice. "Mornin Loretta. Beautiful morning ain't it," he said.
Loretta immediately welcomed Lew inside and stated, "Sure is Lew. What's on your
mind ta come callin this early." Lew gave a half laugh at Loretta's remark.
Loretta cut a silly grin and chuckled enough to allow him to feel a little more
relaxed. "Is Gus up," asked Lew. "Not yet, but he should be getting outa bed
'fore to long. Why ya askin bout Gus? He ain't in no trouble is he," she
inquired. "No, no, no," said Lew. "No need ta worry 'bout Gus getting in
trouble. He's a fine boy." "I'm hopin Gus might be interested in makin a few
dollars, that is if it's okay with you," Lew stated. "Can't see why he wouldn't.
We can always use an extra dollar 'round here. Times are pretty tight for
everyone these days. Whataya want 'em ta do," she asked. "Well, ya see I fell a
bit behind with gettin me wood split and in the shed, so figgered if Gus could
gimme a hand getting it inside I'd make up on some lost time. The snow'l be
dropping 'fore ya know it," said Lew.
"Ya'd save more time if another big salmon don't stop at Doctor's Island Pool,"
said Loretta. Lew didn't have to answer; he knew the cat was out of the bag.
Gus, who had been eaves dropping on the conversation knew it was time to
intervene and get Lew off the hook. He pulled aside the grey wool blanket
hanging over the opening where a door should have been hinged and said, "Course
I'll give ya a hand with your wood, and it won't cost ya a thing either." "Whataya
mean," asked Lew. "Don't be silly Lew. You know what I mean. If anyone owes
someone it's us who owes you," said Gus. Lew and Loretta looked at each other
and blushed.
"Lew, have ya time for a cup a tea?" asked Loretta. "Thanks, but I already had a
cup 'fore I came here, besides I got that winter's wood on me mind," answered
Lew.
Loretta suddenly, and without warning, reached out and gently took hold of Lew's
hand and drew it close. Just as sudden she wrapped her other hand around his and
held it just tight enough to prevent him from pulling away. She then looked in
his eyes and said, "Just half a cup. It's already steeped and only needs pourin.
Please?"
Loretta's touch and look took Lew totally by surprise. It made him feel a bit
uneasy. He wasn't sure how to interpret his feeling. "I think I otta go," he
said. "Ya sure Lew? Why not take a minute and have a spot a tea with me. Make me
happy if ya did," she told him. "Some other time when things get a little more
settled," he promised.
As Lew left Gus assured him he would be along within the hour, and true to his
word in less than the hour Gus arrived at the woodpile where Lew had already
split a large pile of fist sized sticks. Together they loaded the wheelbarrow,
but it was Gus who grabbed the handles of the one-wheeled rig and pushed it
toward the shed. "Wheel 'er right inside and back to the back wall. I got a tear
of wood already started. We'll just keep pilin 'er till she reaches the rafters
and then we can start another tear. We should be able ta get 'er all in by two
o'clock. Whataya think," asked Lew. "Why would ya ask me. I'm workin for you,"
answered Gus.
It was a hotter than usual day for October and the heat was taking its toll on
the two woodworkers. By eleven o'clock the sun had set high and it was beginning
to drain their energy. Lew was having a hard time hanging onto the axe handle
with his sweaty hands and Gus was getting weak kneed. As Gus turned the loaded
wheelbarrow toward the shed again Lew laid the axe on top of the woodpile and
walked toward the house. When he reached the steps at the back of the house he
stopped, hauling his red handkerchief from his hind pocket, lifted his hat and
wiped his forehead. After a quick catch of his breath he climbed the short set
of steps and quickly disappeared inside the house. Just as quickly he reappeared
and walked over and sat on the old car seat he had on the back step. "Gus", he
shouted. "set 'er down and come rest a spell."
Lew wasn't going to have to tell Gus a second time to leave the wheelbarrow.
Instantly, but unevenly the legs of the wheeled cart landed and tipped over
spilling its load onto the dusty ground. Without giving it a second thought Gus
hurried away from the over tipped load of wood and hurried to where Lew was.
When he arrived Lew handed him a cold bottle of Orange Crush pop. The chilled
bottle felt refreshing to the touch. The contents refreshed his gut as he gulped
the first half of the Orange Crush down. "Drink 'er slow or your gut will
cramp," warned Lew.
Lew and Gus sat quietly and rested in the shade of the back porch. Work was the
farthest thing from Lew's mind. It was even further from Gus's.
"Whataya spose he weighed?" asked Gus. "Whataya talking 'bout," answered Lew.
"That big Hook Bill we had on the other mornin," said Gus. "I don't know," said
Lew. "I ain't give it much thought." "So, you'd been thinkin 'bout him too,"
replied Gus.
"Lew, ya know I ain't gonna be able ta keep me mouth shut. Ya know I'm gonna
tell people 'bout that fish. I ain't sayin I have ta let anyone know when, or
zactly where I hooked 'em. It's only me and you who needs ta know that, and
you're the only guy I got ta back me story. She'd be nice ta have some kind a
idea how much he weighed, that way we'd both be on the same page if anyone asks.
You know what I'm gettin at. Ain't many who's gonna believe me, but if I tell
them they can ask you, cause you was there, well, you understand what I mean."
"Oh! I know what ya mean alright. Ya wanna drag me inta this lie with ya,"
answered Lew. "I ain't askin ya ta lie for me. We're both in this tagether,
remember? The story ain't worth telling if ya can't answer the first question
they're gonna ask. Whataya spose he weighed?"
"Whataya spose he weighed?" said Lew to himself, but also just loud enough for
Gus to hear. "I ain't got a clue what that salmon would go, but if you had a
good look at 'em I think there's a way we can figger it out. I read somethin
'bout how ta guess the weight of a fish in a old newspaper I have here
somewhere. It has somethin ta do with measurin how long he is and how wide he is
and multiplyin it by somethin else."
"How ya gonna guess what the weight of a fish is by measurin the distance 'tween
his eyes," asked Gus. "Whataya talkin bout," asked Lew. "Same thing you're
talkin bout Lew. I betcha that fish was six inches 'tween the eyes, and I know
he was a good four and a half foot long," stated Gus. "Hold 'er now Gus. Ya
gotta be a little more conservative with yer estimates than that," says Lew.
"I know we'd be cheatin ourselves Lew if we said he was under 16 inches down
through the middle," pleaded Gus. "Hold on now Gus. I told ya, ya have ta be
conservative," answered Lew. "I am, I am, I got a good look at 'em when he swum
by me," said Gus. "You're conservative all right. A lyin Conservative just like
yer dad. Ha! Ha! Ha!" laughed Lew.
Lew turned to look at Gus and what he saw was a cold, fiery eyed young boy
staring him down. Before the sound of Lew's laughter faded he realized he'd done
the wrong thing in bringing up Gus's father. In order to recover from the
mistake he instantly withdrew his glance at Gus and said, "Now, let me see. If I
can just find that write-up in the paper we can figger it out. You can do the
cipherin." "Whadya mean by that," asked Gus.
Lew couldn't tell from Gus's response whether he meant the remark about his
father or what he meant by cipherin, but he knew he had to avoid answering the
wrong question, so the quickest response he could come up with was, "You know,
cipherin, ta add, subtract, multiply, divide numbers." There was a short silence
before Gus responded. "Oh! You mean Rithmatic," "Yeah, that's right, that's what
ya call it," said Lew.
As Lew rummages through a bundle of newspapers and magazines stacked in the
corner of the shed he was also half listening to Gusbur telling him about
hearing a teacher, the other day, refer to Rithmatic as Mathmatics. "Don't
surprise me none," said Lew. "Next week they'll be callin it somethin else, and
tellin ya that one and one is three. I don't understand why they just can't
leave well enough alone. "Ah! Here it is, right here in the North Shore Leader.
Now listen close while I read what it says we gotta do." "How far'd ya go ta in
school Lew," asked Gus. "Far enough, now grab a pencil and jot this down,"
instructed Lew.
"Ya take the length a the fish in inches, and ya take the girth of 'em, which is
the length round his gut. Ya times them tagether and divide that by 800. That's
sposed ta give ya the weight," said Lew. "So, that bein the case, I figger Hook
Bill ta be at least as long as the door on the back a me shed where I pile up
the wood. That would make him 'bout 5 feet high. How many inches s'that Gus?"
asked Lew.
"Gimme a minute Lew, I can't find a pencil," answered Gus. "Never mind the
pencil, just grab a nail," orders Lew. "Scratch it on that shingle there." Gus
begins to work on the formula. "Ya say he's 5 feet long and there's 12 inches in
a foot, so that means 5 times 12 inches is 5 times 2 is 10 and 5 times one is 5
so, ya take the 0 and lay it down and then take the 5 and add it ta the one and
that gives ya 6, which means he's 60 inches long," says Gus. "How big around do
ya think he was?" asked Lew. "Ya was awful close to 'em when he was swimming
down the river past ya."
The excitement of getting close to guesstimating the huge fish could be seen on
Gus's face. His eyes were big as saucers as he thought back of the huge Hook
Bill, which struggled to throw the fly when he tried to jump, but only clearing
the water as far as his pectoral fins.
"Lew, see that old water bucket over there, the one ya use ta draw water from
the well. He'd be close ta round as that," Gus told him. "Are ya sure?" asked
Lew.
"Sure I'm Sure" Gus responds. "Ok, here's a measurin tape. Go over and measure
the outside a the pail," orders Lew. Gus struggles to measure the roundness of
the pail, but eventually comes up with a measurement of 31 inches. "She's 31
inches," says Gus.
"Ok," says Lew. "Now were gettin somewhere. You're gonna times 31 with 31.
Whataya get when ya do that?" Gus takes the nail and scratches 31 over 31, on
the shingle and begins ciphering again. "One times one is one, one times three
is three, and if I take the three and times it by one it gives me three, and the
three times three gives me nine. That's right. Now, addin the one to nothing
still gives me one and the three plus the other three is six. The nine alone is
nine, so I got a total of nine hundred and sixty one," announces Gus.
"Make sure ya got the size of 'em right now before ya start dividin it up," says
Lew. "How the Hell ya expect me ta be sure when were both guessin," snaps Gus.
"Never mind! Never mind! It says here that ya have ta times the length, which is
60 inches and the figger we got for round his gut times itself, which is 961,
All ya gotta do now is divide it by 800.
Lew watches as Gus starts cipherin again, this time on a clean shingle. Lew can
tell Gus is struggling with the numbers, but after ten minutes and a lot of
scratching Gus turns toward Lew and says, "Holy Moses Lew ya ain't gonna believe
it. Ya just ain't gonna believe it. Moses! Moses! Moses! Ain't nobody gonna
believe it," exclaims Gus. "Will ya quit telling me what I ain't gonna believe
and tell me what it is ya have ta tell me so I can tell if I can believe it,"
protests Lew.
"Listen ta this Lew," says Gus. When I multiply 31 times 31 I get 961. When I
multiply 961 by 60 I get 57,660, and when I divide that by 800 it comes out a
weight of 72.075 pounds.
"What!" exclaimed Lew. "We better get a pencil and take another conservative
look at the measurements. We oughta think about it a bit more while were
splittin and pilin wood before we tell anyone. Seventy-two pounds. I'll be
damned!"
"Lew, he's awful big. I ain't ever seen a fish as big. Did ja ever see one as
big here on the Miramichi?" asked Gusbur.
As lew began picking up kindling from the ground and handing them to Gus he
said, "Well, back in the late 40's, in 1947 to be exact, when they was drivin
logs outa the Cains and upriver on the Miramichi, there was a lot deeper water
in the river than there is now. Durin the spring freshet and durin the log
drives there was great big white pine and spruce logs drove down the rivers to
the mills. Them big trees would dig out the river bed and those big dugouts were
the places the fish would have ta lay when the water got low and warm. That same
summer there was a big one that came up inta the pool, right out there, where ya
hooked that big lad the other day. Yes sir, I can picture 'em in my mind right
now just as clear as a bell. That fish had a dorsal fin the size of a mud flap
on a 18-wheeler."
"Whataya sayin Lew, whataya tryin ta tell me," stammers Gus. "I'm telling ya
that I still dream about that fish. He was a humdinger Gus, and ya know what? I
never told a sole about that fish, cause if I did, I knowed no one would believe
me," Lew told him. "That might a been the case with you Lew, but this is all
tagether different," said Gus. "Whataya mean," asked Lew. Gus looked over at Lew
and said, "The difference 'tween your story and my fish story is that I got a
witness." "You're positutely right," replied Lew. "Go tell your story."
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